Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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