I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
