I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
