i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
