Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
