if you like me you must not know who I am
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
