wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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