there's paper in my vomit.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
