He told me they were just razor bumps!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
