Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
