I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
