ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
