stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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