So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize