DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize