Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
