His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
