I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize