I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize