I can't watch pbs sober anymore
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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