HIV tests are more positive than that guy
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
