If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
