The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
