have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
