i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
how do flat chested girls get laid?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
