I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
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