you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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