Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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