there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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