Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
