we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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