Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize