i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
