so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
