is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Randomize
