I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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