Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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