Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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