An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
This baby is an asshole
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize