My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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