I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
