Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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