went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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