high people should be assigned attendants
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
