she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
