I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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