he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
