I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
