Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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