I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
