Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
