Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
