this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
