I smell stomach acid.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
