its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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