we're blogging at a bar
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
