i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
