I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
