U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The Olympian is in my bed
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
