I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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