Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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