ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
