the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
