Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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