I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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