At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
