you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
